Fill-challenge 15

[romanajo123]

 (Angels Take Manhattan)

"Changing the future" said Amy, running her hand along her husband's face "It's called marriage." 
And with that, the couple fell; their eyes only on each other.
"Amy!" the Doctor cried;
But there was no time to save them. At that moment, time itself seemed to slow down. The Ponds had fallen down to their deaths, wrapped in each other's arms. All the Doctor could do was watch on as the paradox took effect.

Comments

[shivver]

I hope you don't mind a critique. This was a fine attempt, but it didn't really achieve the effect I was looking for. There are two actions in this scene - the Ponds jumping and the Doctor watching them jump - and each of them happened in part of a sentence: "The Ponds had fallen" and "All the Doctor could do was watch". Also, the "time itself seemed to slow down" - you're telling the reader that time slowed down, rather than showed that it did.

The trick here is to describe every little bit of what's happening - think of freezing the moment and then the camera zooming in this little spot or that little spot. (If you've seen the first Deadpool movie, the opening credits is a perfect example.) If you're doing the Ponds, you can describe how Amy's hair flares out as they spin, how Rory pulls her closer as they fall (I'm making this up as I haven't seen the scene in years), how the wind rushing past catches Amy's shirt, etc.

For the Doctor: (Again, I'm making this up, though I don't remember him being shown on screen as they fell.) He leapt to the edge, but was too late, and his hand lashing out to pull them back swung through thin air. "No!" he screamed, his forelock whipping into his eyes as he pounded the verge with his fists. He crumpled over the wall, his eyes, locked on plummeting couple, filling with tears and unable to look away.