Well done, though! It might be too purple for modern tastes, but you did a good job with the description and senses, as well as the intentional purpleness.
The only issue I have with it are a couple of contradictions. First, you have the "torrents of rain" falling on "silent sleeping streets unreasonably hushed". Heavy rain is very noisy. This scene would not be silent or hushed.
Second, you have "lulled by the egregious laboured and distressed groaning wheezing sounds". Laboured, distressed groaning wouldn't lull anyone. Maybe you had a different word in mind?
Oo, also -- you state that it's London but otherwise it's not obvious what the scene actually looks like. Is it modern London, or Victorian, or something else? The original work didn't need to specify because it was assumed to be contemporary with the author's time, but for this, the Doctor could be anywhen.
no subject
Well done, though! It might be too purple for modern tastes, but you did a good job with the description and senses, as well as the intentional purpleness.
The only issue I have with it are a couple of contradictions. First, you have the "torrents of rain" falling on "silent sleeping streets unreasonably hushed". Heavy rain is very noisy. This scene would not be silent or hushed.
Second, you have "lulled by the egregious laboured and distressed groaning wheezing sounds". Laboured, distressed groaning wouldn't lull anyone. Maybe you had a different word in mind?
Oo, also -- you state that it's London but otherwise it's not obvious what the scene actually looks like. Is it modern London, or Victorian, or something else? The original work didn't need to specify because it was assumed to be contemporary with the author's time, but for this, the Doctor could be anywhen.