Fill- Challenge 402 (not sure how to tag)

[romanajo123]

 Peri was cold, standing in the breezy alley.
* The mug had an uneven crack in it.
* The girl carried a teddy bear in her arms.


1.   Peri shivered,  teeth rattling as the Arctic blast of air soared through the alley.   

2.  I held up the mug, closer to the light to get a better look at it. Running my fingers across it,  I felt something jagged on one side, near the top of the picture of the mermaid. 

3.   The girl practically bounced out of the door, still clad in pyjamas,   making sure to not drop her light pink fuzzy friend she cuddled so close . 

Comments

[shivver]

Hey, very nice! You did a great job changing flat description to showing the circumstances and details through action.

The following aren't criticisms, but more like alternatives to consider:

1. "Arctic" shouldn't be capitalized. If you capitalize it, it means that the wind actually came from the Arctic Circle. If it's not capitalized, it means "really cold". But I'd suggest removing it - Peri's already demonstrating that it's really cold, so the word is unnecessary.

2. This is great. A suggestion is rather than "felt something jagged", actually feel it: "Running my fingers across it, my thumb caught on a jagged edge near the top of the picture of the mermaid."

3. I'd remove the "practically". Just let her bounce! :) I'd also change around the second clause: is the girl really making sure not to drop, or is she cuddling it close and one benefit is that she won't drop it? Probably the second, so "...still clad in pyjamas and cuddling her pink fuzzy friend close." You can add "...so as to not drop it" or something if you want.