Fill (kinda) 140 - OUAT

[romanajo123]

 Still drabble-ing today~ Actually tried to read part of it to myself this time. 

https://100words.dreamwidth.org/529394.html

Comments

[shivver]

I'm reading this fandom-blind, but it's excellent. You're doing the same type of drabble that badly_knitted does - character thoughts during a canon situation - but it's active and engaging. Well done!

Bits of concrit: Remove the dialogue tag and the hedging (don't prepare the journey, just go on it; boarding the light rail is a bit passive), so that you have more words for what she's doing: "Mom, I'll be back!" She stuffs her things in a backpack and runs out. (stuff you have) She whips out the book as she falls into the seat on the light rail and thumbs through it again.

I'd also argue that the last verb should be "is" rather than "was", but it can go either way. :)

[romanajo123]

That's actually really helpful. And I took another look and fixed it.

Thanks

(also your icon amuses me)