tenminutesaday | Entries tagged with fill

I went back and started reading my fills for this comm back in 2022, and this is the one I've chosen to critique:

https://tenminutesaday.dreamwidth.org/24874.html

The challenge was to take a scene from DW but write it using a different Doctor and companion pair, keeping in mind that with the new characters, with their personalities and goals different from the original, the scene might turn out completely different. I decided to rewrite the scene from "Enlightenment" in which the Guardians offer the prize to Turlough, with Rose and Ten substituted in for Turlough and Five.

In the original scene, the prize for winning the race was enlightenment, and when none of the Eternal teams win the race, the Guardians offer part of the prize to Turlough for helping -- a huge perfect diamond. Turlough had up until now been working for the Black Guardian, so the Black Guardian said that the prize was actually his, but he (Turlough) could take the prize if he gave up something of equal value, in this case, the Doctor. After consideration, Turlough chose to give the diamond to the Black Guardian, and the Doctor said that enlightenment wasn't the diamond, it was the choice. In other words, Turlough learned something about himself -- that though he was greedy by nature, he valued his friend above all the money in the universe -- through the choice he made.

That's what I tried to capture in the scene I wrote. Rose was a good stand-in for Turlough, as a teenager without much self-awareness and a healthy dose of greed, jealousy, and desperation. One of the things I think I did well in the scene was let Rose be tempted by the jewel but then try to take the high road and say that she doesn't need it.

The thing that I didn't do well was the subsequent part: I didn't make it clear what Rose was thinking when she finally made her choice, and thus the ending, where the Doctor walks off saying that "Enlightenment was the choice," was robbed of its meaning.

Unlike with Turlough, the Guardians don't make Rose choose between two things. Instead, the Guardians present Rose a choice of what her prize could be, and she decides she wants security, in specific, she wants to be secure in the knowledge that the Doctor loves her and will stay with her forever. After all, that's all she cared about in series 2. However, I was trying to be subtle with that and didn't make that clear. The only indication of this is the Black Guardian saying, "You wish to be assured of something," and that's it. It really needed to be stated outright that Rose thought that the crystal would make the Doctor love her.

Without that knowledge, the ending doesn't have any impact. The Doctor walks off because now he knows that all Rose really cares about is trying to own him, but that didn't come across at all.

I think the piece needed more of Rose's direct thoughts, especially right after the Black Guardian says the word "security". Maybe something like:

----
Rose bit her lip. Security? Could this jewel answer all my questions? Could it finally make him say...?
----

Even just that much could make the story so much clearer.

shivver

I haven't actually done one of these in a while, but I figure, I'm here at my sister's house and it would be cool to talk about it. So! My POV character is Jon from my Blue Rain AU. He's a mechanical engineer, and as this is a Doctor Who AU and he's supposed to be the Tenth Doctor (not that you can tell when you read the AU -- his characterization is waaaay off), physically he's David Tennant.

The first thing I noticed when I saw the kitchen was how low the counters were. Beautifully polished brown marble, a single U-shaped slab connecting the stove by the stainless fridge, the sink under the window, and the island fronting the living room, but it barely reached my hip. It made sense, though. Our hostess tops out at 147 cm, so she had everything fitted to her height. The cupboards were also about 5 cm lower than standard; otherwise they'd all be above her head.

She'd had some difficulty finding a stove to fit the desired height and had to settle on a separate oven and stovetop, rather than a single unit. Both brushed steel and black glass and built into the cabinets, the oven sat lower than usual to allow space for the flat stovetop to sit flush with the counter. She'd also had to search for a wine fridge that fit under the island, and found one just short enough that also had a glass door and separate compartments for reds and whites.

Her husband, a tall bloke though not quite my height, soon discovered the lower counters more convenient. It's easier to mix and cook in pots at a lower height. They also found that their friends preferred to congregate at the island, standing around it or sitting on stools, than at the dining table, in part because the island was lower and not in the way of socializing, but also at a good height for snacking on appetisers and holding their wine glasses.

otpcutie

[A/N: I happened to see this prompt and it spoke to me--after months of not writing. It's my first time posting here. I've written about a beloved stuffed animal/comfort object from my childhood.]

---

Comfort. Safety. The trusted embrace of a friend.

Soft against my fingers, pink plush held tightly to my chest. I may not remember your name, but I'll never forget you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Current Mood: accomplished

shivver

I did a thing! I wrote a short piece for

fandomweekly, for their prompt "Chemistry". Here's the link! I'll be posting it for real on AO3 after the voting's done.

"Real Science"

biofreak659

First time participating! Done in 10 minutes using a write-or-die style timer.

—

A hush overtook Lohen as he stepped into the throne room. There was something preternatural about this place. It was a room, like any other, made of stone and metal and glass, but there was a sense of something holy about the place. It was greater than it was, greater than a roof and a tiled floor.

The room was arrayed in a massive circle, with a great domed ceiling. Distant starlight shone through the stained class, casting a cacophony of color onto the pale marble floor. Despite the distance, Lohen could clearly see the images captured in lead and silica. There was Alain, and Michel, and Dieric, Joachim and Clais, and all the rest: the ten original Chevaliers. Under each of their crystalline facsimiles was a reliquary statue, together which comprised the wall of the throne room. Each of the knights lay in repose, in peaceful death, with sword and helmet rested in their carved hands.

They loomed over the room, bordering it. At the center of the room lay a small lake of silvered water. From this, a massive bundle of wires and cables emerged, each one wider around than Lohen’s arm. This ascended into the center of the ceiling, where the glass swords of the glass knights met in the shape of a star.

Lohen made his way to the edge of the pond. It was circular, and by its very definition and intent had neither beginning nor end, and not one of the Chevalier was placed higher than any of his peers, but Lohen privately considered the small wooden chair on the opposite side of the lake to be the origin of the circle. A man sat in it, delicately balancing his pale, feeble body. He was so old as to be ancient, and his crown sat heavy on his wrinkled brow and whitened hair. His rheumy eyes glanced across the room, seeing nothing and understanding everything.

Alain. The King. The last of the knights, the first of the Chevaliers. He was entirely flesh, and was the oldest man Lohen had ever met.

starfleetbrat

hi, new person here. First time writing fic in a looong time, so this probably isn't great, but its something and I wrote it in 10 minutes so it counts I guess. Hope I'm posting this correctly.

==

Ten times.

Thats how many times she’s saved him.

Not only has she complicated his life but she’s put him in danger so often that he’s almost died ten times.

He has a daughter. Kate knows all too well how daughters feel when they lose a parent.

It kills her that she could end up being the person to Alexis that Bracken is to her.

But she’s selfish. Can’t quite bring herself to let Castle go. Needs him by her side, like she needs air to breathe.

She can only hope that when it comes she’ll be ready.

Number eleven.

matsushima

Title: The Girl in Gold
Fandom: The Hunger Games
Characters: OC - Penelope Fuller; OC - Mrs. Fuller; OC - Paisley Webster; Canon - Cesar Flickerman
Warnings: Implication of canon-typical violence
Word Count: 333
Prompt:

tenminutesaday Challenge 434: "Write a scene where one person is watching another person and making comments about what they're seeing. The target person cannot hear the comments being made." &

fandomocweekly "Unspoken"
Summary: Penelope watches Paisley's pre-Games interview with Cesar Flickerman
Notes: I stayed home sick today and spent my day rotting in bed and reading Hunger Games fanfic TV Tropes pages…
Notes 2: I took the idea of Clear (the wealthy(ier) section of the city, like how 12 has a merchant neighborhood) from Quell, a 2014 fanfic about the 25th Hunger Games
Notes: I'm not a visual person so I did some searching and I picture Paisley's gown looking something like this but a more garish gold-gold color

( “They took away Paisley and replaced her with an entirely different person.” )

Current Mood: sick

shivver

I did ten minutes on that Ben Franklin fic I told you about. It's not really going where I want it to go, so I probably will throw this out, but I did do it, so here it is. This was probably more like twenty minutes, and I removed the part before the "..." because that had already existed.

( Read more... )

shivver

Omg three in a row!

The last story I posted for my David AU ended in the middle of an argument. I haven't yet come up with the next story to resolve the argument, but I figured I could write an apology scene now, right in the editor.

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shivver

(Context: Will was trying to avoid sampling a disgusting-looking alien dish, and just got interrupted. The giffra is the eating utensil.)

Original paragraph:

Glad of the reprieve, Will dropped the utensil on the plate and turned to see two women, one bright-eyed with short blond hair and the other with long dark hair and a serious demeanour, trailing behind the first. From the greeting, obviously one was the Doctor, and judging from fashion sense alone, he knew it wasn’t the one in the back.

Edited paragraph:

Glad of the reprieve, Will stabbed his giffra in the mound of nauseating molluscs and pushed his plate away, then turned to the two women approaching their table. The blonde dashed past the other diners, her bright smile all for David, and Will guessed from fashion sense alone that this was the Doctor. The other, a slight young woman with long dark hair and a serious demeanour, trailed behind her.

shivver

I'm really not going to write anything unless I sit down and do it, so I did it. I did ten minutes on a WIP that's been sitting open on my computer for the last few months. It did require me to read through a bit of what I'd already done, so I didn't get more than a couple of paragraphs of new words down.

And sorry, it's not going to make a lick of sense to anyone. :P

----

“Well.” She popped both hands against the steering wheel. “Be that as it may, I’ve got to be getting home.” Throwing the gearshift into reverse, she checked the rear-view mirror, pulled her foot from the brake, then switched the gears, pulled the car up to the house, shut it down, and hopped out with her handbag.

She gaped for a moment at the toes of her shoes, then shook her head. “I’m out. Might as well, well, I don’t know. I guess I should check up. That’s my job,” she murmured, firmly ignoring the voice reminding her that she’d never checked up on a sale before this. Nudging the car door closed with her hip, she left it unlocked. Somehow she knew that no danger threatened here.

The well-kept lawn, edged with flowering bushes and shaded by tall trees, hadn’t changed much in the short time since the sale - three months at the outside, it’d been - and the large house appeared exactly, but certainly the photos hadn’t done the place justice. In person, it fairly shone with peace. And happiness. That’s what he’d said. That the house looked happy.

shivver

Well, I did actually work on that WIP this past weekend, though I didn't do any actual writing. Basically, I worked through a problem I was having with the plotting.

The story involves two characters in a rather large, crowded, and maze-like area. Character A shouldn't be there and is trying to find his way out without getting caught. Character B finds out that A is there and is trying to find him. Much of the story is about near-miss shenanigans and misdirections.

The problem was that it didn't feel long or confusing enough. It's supposed to be a multi-chapter, and I had already plotted out the following:

1. A arrives and gets lost
2. B realizes he's there and goes to find him
3. A crosses to the other side of the area
4. B gets to the original side and realizes he's got to search some more
5. Someone engages A in conversation and at that point, B sees him and waves at him to get him to come over to talk.

That's not much, just basically one instance of missing each other. It didn't feel satisying or entertaining - and I've been stuck at that point for years now. A couple of months ago, I tried writing out a detailed outline, and I still couldn't think of anything to add.

I finally figured out what to do. I added a third character to the story and interspersed her between the events I listed above with scenes told from her point of view. So, in step 2, she's the person that B talks to, who says something that makes B realize A is there. She doesn't realize this, so later, after 3, when A is leaving the other side, he runs into her and has a bit of conversation which will be amusing to the reader even if it doesn't help A at all. Then even later, after 4, she runs into B again. And then she'll have a part in the end of the story, which is unrelated to these events but is the actual point of the whole thing.

So, I have my new(!) outline written, and I'm going to duplicate the parts I've already written into a new document and start rewriting from there. I am actually really excited to get working on this, because this idea has been, as I've noted above, in the back of my mind for years now. Unfortunately, life is also getting far more busy this week and not likely to let up for a couple of months. :(

shivver

Okay, my Real Ten Minutes is going to be the next bit of the previous challenge, so it's starting with the final paragraph copy/pasted in, then me typing in the DW editor. Here goes.

( Read more... )

shivver

All right, I'm doing this straight in the editor from memory. Luckily, there's no actual dialogue in this scene.

( Read more... )

shivver

I haven't actually done a challenge in a while, so I thought I'd do this one. I started working on a story idea I had a few days ago, just the first few lines, so you won't be able to tell what the story is actually about. But this was some fun dialogue to write. I ignored the description so that I could get the dialogue out in ten minutes.

( Read more... )

shivver

I actually wrote! Not the challenge itself, mind you.

I mentioned an ancient WIP to

romanajo123 earlier this week, and I decided to pull it out and actually start working on it. There are bits where I haven't worked out what's happening, so I decided to try out Paul Cornell's advice: write an outline of the story using storytelling language (e.g. "They traveled there, but suddenly...!"), to lay out the beats of the narrative. And here it is.

A good chunk of this story is already written, but many parts aren't yet. Also, there are a couple of bits that are left in parentheses because I don't have enough specifics about what's in those scenes to consider their lines done. I'll be working on those this weekend.

( Read more... )

shivver

I've been working on this for the past few weeks - finished the writing a week ago and been editing and asking for feedback from my husband since. Did a lot more work this weekend, editing and filling things out, and, well, I don't feel it's as good as it could be but I don't know what else to do with it, so I posted it. *shrug*

"Back in Action"