shivver: (Ten right)
[personal profile] shivver
(Context: Will was trying to avoid sampling a disgusting-looking alien dish, and just got interrupted. The giffra is the eating utensil.)

Original paragraph:

Glad of the reprieve, Will dropped the utensil on the plate and turned to see two women, one bright-eyed with short blond hair and the other with long dark hair and a serious demeanour, trailing behind the first. From the greeting, obviously one was the Doctor, and judging from fashion sense alone, he knew it wasn’t the one in the back.


Edited paragraph:

Glad of the reprieve, Will stabbed his giffra in the mound of nauseating molluscs and pushed his plate away, then turned to the two women approaching their table. The blonde dashed past the other diners, her bright smile all for David, and Will guessed from fashion sense alone that this was the Doctor. The other, a slight young woman with long dark hair and a serious demeanour, trailed behind her.
shivver: (musicspheres)
[personal profile] shivver
Got so excited about having actually written a bit yesterday that I forgot to post a new challenge. :P So, let's do an editing challenge.

Find any writing, posted or not, that you've done recently (maybe, this year?) but haven't looked it within the past two weeks. Choose a single paragraph of at least two sentences not counting any dialogue, and aggressively edit it.

What I mean by "aggressively edit" is:
1. Read through it and objectively assess if it is written well. Is it active and descriptive? Does it describe what's going on clearly? Does it achieve whatever purpose it is supposed to achieve within the bigger story? Are the words you've chosen the best you can think of? Is there any other way that you could write this that may be better?
2. Rewrite and improve the paragraph. Fix errors.
3. Check grammar/punctuation and fix those as well.
4. Rinse and repeat, until that one paragraph is the best piece of writing you've ever done.

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