Fill: Challenge #336 (DW)
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tenminutesadayOkay, my Real Ten Minutes is going to be the next bit of the previous challenge, so it's starting with the final paragraph copy/pasted in, then me typing in the DW editor. Here goes.
And that hat. I told her, lose the hat, I said. She promised not to wear that hat. And yet, look at her! Does she have to ruin everything? Suppressing a petulant grumble, she glanced down at her father's hand on her arm. That was wrong, too. She re-linked their arms, correctly this time, and patted his hand, reassuring him with a smile as the pipe organ above them played the first chords of the "Bridal Chorus". She took a deep breath, then stepped forward with her father.
She basked in the adoration as they inched up the aisle, taking a single step every two seconds. After all, this was her day, and for these few moments, she was Queen of the World, on display to the masses as she proceeded to meet her King. June, the secretary of Mum's club, cooed at her while Aunt Marie, one of Dad's distant cousins, mopped at her eyes with a lacy kerchief. And Nerys, of course. The ultimate loser. Got you this time, finally! Lance is mine! She spotted Keith Moore, off on one side, almost hidden behind Lance's Uncle Morris. That wanker, dated and dumped her a decade past. What's he doing here? She flashed him a smug smile. See what you're missing? Too late for you, sunshine!
The crowd around her swirled in a golden haze and she blinked hard to clear it; she couldn't ruin her perfect day with a sudden faint. A glance at her husband-to-be nearly stopped her heart: he stared slack-jawed at her as the brightness around her built.
(Okay, this is time. But I want to finish the scene, so....)
The crowd around her swirled in a golden haze and she blinked hard to clear it; she couldn't ruin her perfect day with a sudden faint. A glance at her husband-to-be nearly stopped her heart: he stared slack-jawed at her as the brightness around her built. Everything around her began to fade, and she screamed. No! What's happening? This can't be happening! This is my wedding! Mine!
Darkness enveloped her, but she was still fully aware and awake, then suddenly she was staring at blue double doors. She was not walking down the aisle in St Mary's, and her father was not on her arm. Her perfect day, her lifelong dream, was gone. Someone is going to pay for this!
"What?"
She spun at the exclamation behind her and squeaked her surprise. A tall, pasty-faced man stared back at her, his frown evidence that he was as confused as she. His slick pinstripe suit, far too tight for decency or fashion, compounded his shady demeanour.
"What?" he repeated.
"Who are you?" she demanded.
"But..."
The man, however, wasn't the strangest thing here, she realised. He stood in front of a table... thing, covered with controls and buttons and topped by a glass... other thing, all in this weird, cavernous room with great branching... columns, pillars... whatever. None of it made any sense. "Where am I?"
"What?"
Apparently the man didn't keep any brains in that too-thin body. "What is this place?"
And that hat. I told her, lose the hat, I said. She promised not to wear that hat. And yet, look at her! Does she have to ruin everything? Suppressing a petulant grumble, she glanced down at her father's hand on her arm. That was wrong, too. She re-linked their arms, correctly this time, and patted his hand, reassuring him with a smile as the pipe organ above them played the first chords of the "Bridal Chorus". She took a deep breath, then stepped forward with her father.
She basked in the adoration as they inched up the aisle, taking a single step every two seconds. After all, this was her day, and for these few moments, she was Queen of the World, on display to the masses as she proceeded to meet her King. June, the secretary of Mum's club, cooed at her while Aunt Marie, one of Dad's distant cousins, mopped at her eyes with a lacy kerchief. And Nerys, of course. The ultimate loser. Got you this time, finally! Lance is mine! She spotted Keith Moore, off on one side, almost hidden behind Lance's Uncle Morris. That wanker, dated and dumped her a decade past. What's he doing here? She flashed him a smug smile. See what you're missing? Too late for you, sunshine!
The crowd around her swirled in a golden haze and she blinked hard to clear it; she couldn't ruin her perfect day with a sudden faint. A glance at her husband-to-be nearly stopped her heart: he stared slack-jawed at her as the brightness around her built.
(Okay, this is time. But I want to finish the scene, so....)
The crowd around her swirled in a golden haze and she blinked hard to clear it; she couldn't ruin her perfect day with a sudden faint. A glance at her husband-to-be nearly stopped her heart: he stared slack-jawed at her as the brightness around her built. Everything around her began to fade, and she screamed. No! What's happening? This can't be happening! This is my wedding! Mine!
Darkness enveloped her, but she was still fully aware and awake, then suddenly she was staring at blue double doors. She was not walking down the aisle in St Mary's, and her father was not on her arm. Her perfect day, her lifelong dream, was gone. Someone is going to pay for this!
"What?"
She spun at the exclamation behind her and squeaked her surprise. A tall, pasty-faced man stared back at her, his frown evidence that he was as confused as she. His slick pinstripe suit, far too tight for decency or fashion, compounded his shady demeanour.
"What?" he repeated.
"Who are you?" she demanded.
"But..."
The man, however, wasn't the strangest thing here, she realised. He stood in front of a table... thing, covered with controls and buttons and topped by a glass... other thing, all in this weird, cavernous room with great branching... columns, pillars... whatever. None of it made any sense. "Where am I?"
"What?"
Apparently the man didn't keep any brains in that too-thin body. "What is this place?"
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 02:17 am (UTC)Her impression of the TARDIS… yeah , that’s realistic. How else woukd you describe that thing?
I giggled at the line “ That wanker. “ 😆
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 06:26 pm (UTC)I love putting that word in Donna's mouth, but don't go looking up what it really means. It's actually rather vulgar and probably not something they'd allow on TV DW.
You know what's been really disappointing about doing this novelization stuff? Realizing how WRONG Chakoteya.net is. The opening dialogue to this episode, just the stuff I wrote above, is wrong there - I checked it against the scene on YouTube. I've seen other errors big and small, all over the place. She has the dialogue around the bi-generation scene in "The Giggle" wrong, and I sent in a correction for the TARDIS duplication scene, because the way she had the dialogue and direction going, she had Ten's TARDIS have the jukebox and the wheelchair ramp.
(Also, in "Smith and Jones", when the MRI machine is going nuts and the Doctor is trying to stop it, he reaches in his pocket and remembers that the sonic had been destroyed. She says that what he says at this point is "Soddit", but it sounds more like "Sonic", and I don't think the Doctor would say "Soddit" - it's neither his style nor something a person is likely to say in the situation.)
I wish I had the time and motivation to write my own transcripts, so that I had a better reference store, but I don't. Transcripts are hard. I've spent a few hours trying to write a transcript of "The Light at the End", and I haven't gotten far, because I have to keep replaying stuff to hear things correctly.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 07:18 pm (UTC)Yeah...I've heard it used before in other stuff. I have a vague idea what it means but not looking it up.
I never realized how wrong Chakoteya was. I recall her calling Donna "that loud annoying woman" when she appears in Partners in Crime. Which, okay I get Donna not being everyone's cup of tea in Runaway Bride but still. Or her near paragraph trying to "correct" something in Wild Blue Yonder.
I still miss her BF transcripts (even though I know why she took them off)
I use that and Forever Dreaming. It has Classic and New Who as well as a lot of other shows.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 10:24 pm (UTC)Another thing that really tweaked me more than it should was in WBY, when the song is playing, she named the song that the TARDIS is playing, then put "or 'Wide Blue Yonder'", and then from then on referred to the song as "Wide Blue Yonder" in the dialogue, even though 1) the title of the episode is "Wild", 2) the characters say "Wild", and 3) the name of the song is "Wild". It's *not* "Wide", despite what the subtitles might say. It is not difficult to google the song and verify what the title is and that the subtitles are wrong.
I think it bothers me so much because I've seen a couple of comments she's made in the transcripts that communicate an attitude of British superiority on her part, and well, this is an American song, so dammit, get it right! ;)