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tenminutesaday2023-01-24 07:30 pm
lantairvlea) wrote in tenminutesaday2023-01-24 07:30 pm
Entry tags:
Fill-Challenge 150, Lemy'es
Kallon has some serious PTSD to work through and has an incident as he travels with Yurrein to Lunais with the other Lunaisan hybrids. I doubt it's Kallon's first night terror, but it's the first one I've written about.
This is kind of revisiting challenge 111 with a fight scene.
Someone was there. Someone was always there. He couldn't feel it, but he knew it was there. Something didn't feel right. He couldn't move. No, this wasn't happening. This wasn't right. Everything felt wrong. He was in the cell on the cot. He shouldn't be there. He needed to get up.
Triden was suddenly there. No. Triden's hands were holding him down. No! Kallon struggled under the impossible weight that threatened to crush his shoulders. Terror rose, he had to move. Why couldn't he move? He had to get up. He tried to yell, but it was stuck in his throat. Finally, he managed to move his arms and pushed Triden back. He heard cursing, but Triden's face was smug.
Kallon couldn't let himself be scared; he had to be mad. Keep the heat up, tear down anything Triden tried to make. Get his hands on Triden and beat that smug grin right off his face. Kallon had to get out of here, and the only way out was through Triden.
Yurrein couldn't get out of the way fast enough as Kallon suddenly pushed him away and errupted off the bed. The sudden spike in heat was intense, and Yurrein did his best to block it.
Kallon started shouting, but it wasn't anything Yurrein could understand. The noise was enough to wake the others.
"Help me," Yurrein pleaded. "I don't think he's even awake!"
Kallon swung at Yurrein, who barely managed to dodge the blow. They were running out of room. Yurrein wasn't so lucky as Kallon's left fist rapidly followed the right and connected with Yurrein's jaw, knocking him into the wall.
The blow seemed to jar Kallon awake and he looked out of balance as he staggered backwards as if the punch had landed on him instead. He looked around wildly, his breathing fast and heart pounding. Things finally came into full focus. The faces around him weren't the ones he remembered. Fear, concern, there was never concern among Triden and his men, not for him, and ... Klamon faces, and then he remembered where he was. This wasn't Dohman. It wasn't even Ela'yas. That was months ago. Kamenlohn, he was in Kamenlohn and getting ready to leave for Lunais.
"You alright there, Kallon?" He jerked his head towards the voice. It was Yurrein, looking a bit haggard as he rubbed his jaw, which had an angry, red, fist-shaped burn across it. The color faded slightly as he rubbed it.
Kallon looked slowly around him at the dozen others that had gathered around them. Someone had a lamp, its flickering light casting strange shadows. Kallon still felt a little disoriented. "Yeah," he inhaled deeply, "yeah, guess so."
"Come on, everyone, back to bed." Yurrein said, waving them all off as he stepped up next to Kallon and putting a hand on his shoulder.
This is kind of revisiting challenge 111 with a fight scene.
Someone was there. Someone was always there. He couldn't feel it, but he knew it was there. Something didn't feel right. He couldn't move. No, this wasn't happening. This wasn't right. Everything felt wrong. He was in the cell on the cot. He shouldn't be there. He needed to get up.
Triden was suddenly there. No. Triden's hands were holding him down. No! Kallon struggled under the impossible weight that threatened to crush his shoulders. Terror rose, he had to move. Why couldn't he move? He had to get up. He tried to yell, but it was stuck in his throat. Finally, he managed to move his arms and pushed Triden back. He heard cursing, but Triden's face was smug.
Kallon couldn't let himself be scared; he had to be mad. Keep the heat up, tear down anything Triden tried to make. Get his hands on Triden and beat that smug grin right off his face. Kallon had to get out of here, and the only way out was through Triden.
Yurrein couldn't get out of the way fast enough as Kallon suddenly pushed him away and errupted off the bed. The sudden spike in heat was intense, and Yurrein did his best to block it.
Kallon started shouting, but it wasn't anything Yurrein could understand. The noise was enough to wake the others.
"Help me," Yurrein pleaded. "I don't think he's even awake!"
Kallon swung at Yurrein, who barely managed to dodge the blow. They were running out of room. Yurrein wasn't so lucky as Kallon's left fist rapidly followed the right and connected with Yurrein's jaw, knocking him into the wall.
The blow seemed to jar Kallon awake and he looked out of balance as he staggered backwards as if the punch had landed on him instead. He looked around wildly, his breathing fast and heart pounding. Things finally came into full focus. The faces around him weren't the ones he remembered. Fear, concern, there was never concern among Triden and his men, not for him, and ... Klamon faces, and then he remembered where he was. This wasn't Dohman. It wasn't even Ela'yas. That was months ago. Kamenlohn, he was in Kamenlohn and getting ready to leave for Lunais.
"You alright there, Kallon?" He jerked his head towards the voice. It was Yurrein, looking a bit haggard as he rubbed his jaw, which had an angry, red, fist-shaped burn across it. The color faded slightly as he rubbed it.
Kallon looked slowly around him at the dozen others that had gathered around them. Someone had a lamp, its flickering light casting strange shadows. Kallon still felt a little disoriented. "Yeah," he inhaled deeply, "yeah, guess so."
"Come on, everyone, back to bed." Yurrein said, waving them all off as he stepped up next to Kallon and putting a hand on his shoulder.
no subject
I think the only thing I'd do differently is in the second paragraph, where it's still in Kallon's dream, to change the some of the descriptions to thoughts - the "No"s and "I have to move! Why can't I move?" Just wondering what format you use for direct thoughts? I use quotes for speaking out loud and italics for thoughts, but that probably isn't standard.
no subject
Yes, I usually use italics for thoughts when there is direct dialog in the character's head(s). I don't know if I want direct thoughts in there or not given it is a dream/nightmare. I think the slight detachment and distance that staying out of the direct thoughts helps emphasize the feel I want. I probably will go back and italisize the "No"s, but not sure about changing the others into direct thoughts. This will probably be about halfway through book two so we'll see how it will evolve.