Fill- Challenge 224 (DW)

[romanajo123]

 ( I wasn't sure what to do for this until I thought about the line in Snakedance where the Doctor mentions teaching Nyssda and Tegan to read the TARDIS star charts.  Also ,  threw in a callback to Spare Parts :)) 

The Doctor pointed to the screen; upon which a pattern of white and green lights were currently illuminating a black background.  

 

" It's really quite simple to read" He explained, gesturing as two more small lights came on.  "  These charts are astronomically correct down to .01 percent of the entire galaxy.  "  

 

"I don't really see why we have to do this" Tegan said,  her eyes so close to glazing over in boredom. " I mean, when was the last time this rickety old thing go t anything accurate,  whether following a star map or whatever. " 

 

"It's a star chart, Tegan" Nyssa corrected, taking in and hanging onto everything the Doctor was saying.  

 

"Well, a star chart. Or an astral map" the Doctor explained, pointing to a particular constellation.   "And still, I thought the two of you might find this interesting.   This particular constellation is the Cherry Bowl nebula. "  

 

" Oh yes, " Nyssa remarked, upon hearing the name.  " I recall that one- before we ended up on Mondas?" 

 

"L-let's perhaps not bring that up." The Doctor said, hands in his coat pockets.  "  I do wonder if that Cybermat did any more damage to the TARDIS."  He shook his head.  

 

Tegan frowned.  "  All right, now I've got to hear this story. There was a WHAT in here? "  Since she'd returned, it seemed like she'd been more and more locked out of the loop the Doctor and Nyssa had. 

 

" Back to the star charts" the Doctor cut in,  trying to get back on track.   " Right, then there's these clusters of stars. One of them , A11B , is believed to be made of pure ice and snow.   And the next one will be colonized by Tegan's descendants in roughly the 33rd century. " 

 

 

Comments

[shivver]

I really like this one! Concrete, descriptive style, all three characters are contributing to the conversation even though there's a slight viewpoint bias, and the conversation is natural, bringing up things that either all three characters remember or that only two characters remember, making one of them uncomfortable.

A few quibbles, if you don't mind.

That semicolon in the first paragraph should be a comma. Semicolons are actually really hard to use correctly (they're mostly used to link two sentences that probably should stay as two separate sentences), so I'd recommend, if you feel like using one, don't. :)

"her eyes so close to glazing over" - As Jerry Jenkins says, say what your characters are doing, not what they're not doing. Maybe "rolling her eyes to keep them from drooping shut" or something like that?

"hands in his coat pockets" - This is fine, but having him do it ("jamming his hands in his pockets") to show his nervousness is better.

"will be colonized by Tegan's descendants in roughly the 33rd century" - I actually really like the way the Doctor phrases this, because he's speaking like one alien to two others, which many writers don't realize - the Doctor (and Nyssa, too) isn't human and doesn't have an Earth-centric point of view. I don't know how to explain what I mean. Anyway, the one thing I'd change is "descendants" to "people", because "descendants" implies that the colonists are directly descended from Tegan and I doubt that neither you nor the Doctor mean that.

[romanajo123]

Thanks ! These three are honestly one of my favorite teams to write ( same with 8 and Charley and 10&/Donna ).

I do not mind your quibbles. For the stuff I’ve been posting to AO3 , I’ve been trying to get in a pattern of write, then the next day edit or add onto it. Also maybe try reading bits of it to myself. But usually I don’t with these challenges.