Fill: Challenge #23
Mar. 4th, 2022 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shivver posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tenminutesadayThe original:
The first thing she did was glance out of the window to see what sort of a view they had. It was reasonably pleasant of the school grounds. Turning her attention back to the rooms, there was a bedroom with two single beds, thank goodness, a rudimentary bathroom for which she sent prayers heavenwards, because what wouldn’t be worse than sharing toilet facilities with droves of young boys; and a tiny AGA type stove that was built into the fireplace, with a lidded hotplate that was only big enough to take a kettle. At least they’d be able to make tea, she thought, since a butler sink stood in the corner near the window that boasted the mod con of having a cold water tap. Actually, now that Donna thought about it, having a cold water tap rather than having to go out to a pump, or even a well, certainly was a modern convenience.
The rewrite:
She strode across the room to glance out of the window and take in the pleasant view overlooking the school grounds. Turning back to the suite, she spied through one door a bedroom, thankfully with two single beds rather than one double, and through the other a rudimentary bathroom which would spare them the indignity of sharing toilet facilities with droves of young boys. The fireplace in the main room had an AGA-type stove built in, with a lidded hotplate barely large enough to take a kettle. Good enough for tea, she thought as she noted the butler sink near the window that boasted the modern (for 1913, anyway) convenience of a cold water tap, much better than going out to a pump or a well.
The first thing she did was glance out of the window to see what sort of a view they had. It was reasonably pleasant of the school grounds. Turning her attention back to the rooms, there was a bedroom with two single beds, thank goodness, a rudimentary bathroom for which she sent prayers heavenwards, because what wouldn’t be worse than sharing toilet facilities with droves of young boys; and a tiny AGA type stove that was built into the fireplace, with a lidded hotplate that was only big enough to take a kettle. At least they’d be able to make tea, she thought, since a butler sink stood in the corner near the window that boasted the mod con of having a cold water tap. Actually, now that Donna thought about it, having a cold water tap rather than having to go out to a pump, or even a well, certainly was a modern convenience.
The rewrite:
She strode across the room to glance out of the window and take in the pleasant view overlooking the school grounds. Turning back to the suite, she spied through one door a bedroom, thankfully with two single beds rather than one double, and through the other a rudimentary bathroom which would spare them the indignity of sharing toilet facilities with droves of young boys. The fireplace in the main room had an AGA-type stove built in, with a lidded hotplate barely large enough to take a kettle. Good enough for tea, she thought as she noted the butler sink near the window that boasted the modern (for 1913, anyway) convenience of a cold water tap, much better than going out to a pump or a well.
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Date: 2022-03-05 02:27 pm (UTC)( I almost want to ask, what is this from? From the paragraph I can guess it’s a “ Donna in Human Nature “ story