Fill- Challenge 346 (DW)

[romanajo123]

 Actually typing in the editor today.  :P 

I first read this challenge and this is where my brain went.  And watching Inside Out (a very Emotional movie, pun mostly intended if you know the premise ;)) didn't help.  

Spoilers I guess for the Library two parter...


Donna watches her children play in the park, squealing and full of joy. It's been an incredible few days. Has it even been a few days? Feels like forever. When was their last anniversary? She really has gotten swept up in all this stuff. Being married , being a mum, it's just wonderful. 

She wraps an arm around her husband.   Still as gorgeous as the day they met! Their living room is full of pictures. Taking out her mobile, Donna snaps one or two more.  Just another perfect day. 

But something feels wrong here.... the clouds  are coming.  How can it be raining in here? 

Evangelista's words finally sink it:  None of this is real.  

So what's her choices then? Stay ere and live this life, with a fake husband and children? Or leave and find the way out, help save everybody? What was that thing she told the Doctor not too long ago about saving somebody? 

But she'll figure out a way to find Lee again. Somehow.  

Comments

[shivver]

Here's a challenge, if you choose to accept it. This passage is fine, but it's a bit detached, a bit passive, because it's the narrator describing what Donna is thinking/feeling, rather than Donna actually thinking/feeling directly. Do you know what I mean?

As an example (and I'm making this up as I go along):

Rory lay on the couch, his feet in Amy's lap as they watched a movie in her flat in the TARDIS. He corrected himself that it was their flat. He lived here now, apparently. Less than a day ago, he'd been celebrating their impending marriage at his bachelor party. Since then, he'd been nearly impaled by vampires and now was wandering through time and space. Did she even care about him anymore, now that she had her imaginary childhood friend back? Were they ever going to get married?

vs.

Rory lay on the couch, his feet in Amy's lap as they watched a movie in her flat in the TARDIS, but he saw nothing of it. Amy, you're calling this 'our' flat, but really, how can I even hope to compete with the Doctor? A day ago, everything was perfect, bachelor party, wedding dress, all of it, and now your imaginary friend's back and I've been nearly killed by a vampire! He glanced at Amy, whose eyes were still glued to the adventure on the screen. We're travelling through time and space with your Raggedy Doctor, like you always dreamt of. Do you see me at all anymore?


So there's your challenge: Rewrite this, letting your character speak in her own voice. It's going to be longer, because she'll have to think about things more directly (e.g. No one actually thinks, "Oh, that person's words just sunk in!" They think about what they were told and realize what they really meant.) and you'll probably add description of what she's doing, even if it's slapping her mouth as she realizes something.

Don't do it in first-person, though. This is a third-person scene of someone thinking about a decision she needs to make.

(Note, I use italics to indicate thinking, but you can use quotes like normal speech. You'll just have to use a tag like "she thought" in order to differentiate.)