Fill-challenge 27 (DW)

[romanajo123]

 (So adding on to the Ten/Donna one.  Here's a bit of ceremony prep. )

What felt like a flurry of attendants (all with pastel pattern skin , they looked like walking cotton candy) quickly got to dragging Donna to a seperate corner of the cave. The walls were lit with green glowing torches and each stalactite was decorated with a bouquet of polka dot flowers.  It wasn't long before Donna was sat on a glistening rock table, three attendants attempting to take her measurements while one was applying some pink foam and a crude powderpuff to her face. 

"So, are you lot my bridesmaids?" she asked, carefully dodging the foam.

"Yes!" the makeup attendant responded enthusiastically , in a  cheery voice that made her sound far too much like a cartoon character. "I'm Cloris!" She gestured to the other three. "And they're Mila, Boa, and Taran."

The three nodded in response.

"Oh, " said Donna. "Donna Noble, the...bride to be , I suppose."

"You sound rather,,,disinterested" noted Boa, who was now taking off one of Donna's shoes.

"No, I'm fine." she tried "I mean, appreciate what you all are doing, it's just- "

"Just what?" asked Cloris.

"Well, my last wedding didn't exactly go as planned. I really wish my friends were here to be my bridesmaids. And I do care about the Doctor, but I know he's just doing this because he has to."

As if on cue, the Doctor, having traded brown tweed for a maroon red suit stuck his head in the doorway.

"Donna!" he called. "I just wanted to check to make sure you-" He noticed her now-curled hair. "I'll come back."

"Tell me," Donna asked Boa, who was running a brush through her hair "Bad luck here too for him to see me?"

The bridesmaids gave blank expressions.

"Never mind then" replied Donna, "So where's my dress?"

"Here!" Taran exclaimed. She entered from a closet carrying a neon pink dress accented in white and multicolor frills. 

How wizard, thought Donna, I'm walking down the aisle with my mate and I'm dressed like I'm back in the 80s.

Comments

[shivver]

This is looking great! I like how you have the attendants all being overly-cheery and not exactly the kind of people Donna would want to confide in - gives her a feeling of being alone in a situation she's not happy about.

The first paragraph is a bit passive. "Green glowing torches adorned the walls every few paces, and a bouquet of polka-dot flowers topped each stalactite." Try to avoid parentheses except when it's really an aside. In this case, you're actually describing the attendants, so definitely keep it in the main sentence, such as: "A gaggle of attendants with pastel patterned skin that made them look like walking cotton candy surrounded Donna, bumping and jostling her toward a private corner of the cave."

As a note, the thing I posted had a bit in parentheses. It's actually an aside, meant to be funny, pointing out that Lara believes in magic but not so much as to obtain real blood for her spells, but even that, I'm not sure it should be left in. Parentheses really spoil the flow of the prose, most of the time.