Fill- Challenge 111 (DW)

[romanajo123]

 (Summer-y! Also counting for 100ships and the prompt "Apricate" at Vocab Drabbles. Feedback appreciated.)

The TARDIS had materialized on a pier.  Doors now open, the three travelers stepped out, sunlight engulfing them. 

 

" Why are we here?" Nyssa asked, adjusting the sunhat perched on her curls. "It seems oddly quiet." 

 

"I thought we could use a bit of a rest" the Doctor explained. "Well, after that business in Amsterdam and..other places." 

 

"Don't tell me," Tegan began, her shoes clacking across the wooden planks as she took it all in. "You actually got us to the right place! I haven't been anywhere like this since I was a kid.  Colin and I would go down to the beach almost every day when school was off." 

 

"So what is there to do here?" Nyssa asked. 

 

The Doctor thought for a second. "Ah, we could go swimming. Or simply relax in the sun. Or..." 

 

He was cut off by the sounds of a crowd cheering and clapping as a young girl reeling in a small fish, and kissing it proudly. 

 

"Fishing!" the Doctor finished to Nyssa. "Not something I'm especially fond of, at least in this incarnation. "

 

"Come on, Nyssa!" Tegan exclaimed, dragging her by the hand a little. " Think they're selling ice cream over there!" 

 

----

Fifteen minutes later, the TARDIS crew were all three sunbathing: each holding a dripping cone. 

 

"I have to hand it to you. Dpctor" Tegan said, " Was expecting a bunch of Daleks or something to appear. But this is...actually peaceful." 

 

Nyssa nodded, licking the topping off her cone carefully. "Yes it is quite nice. Thank you, Doctor." 

(this idea came from being at the beach last week, and going to the pier one day with my dad and my cousin. I do not know if it's a custom everywhere but according to my dad, you're apparently supposed to kiss the first fish you catch)

Comments

[shivver]

This was quite nice - a sweet diversion. It definitely could have used filling the "fifteen minutes later" break. The crew lands, observe a couple of things, then blackness until they... observe a couple more things. Let the characters have their day! Let them navigate the boardwalk, meet the ice cream vendor, talk to the fisher girl, or what not. Maybe you could have Tegan be inexplicably nervous throughout the whole thing, which would make her last line a nice twist.

Otherwise, there's the usual things - passive language is the big one. You don't need the first sentence at all - work it into the second sentence: "As the Doctor and his two companions stepped out of the TARDIS onto the pier, they squinted at the blinding sunlight from the waters stretching to the horizon..." or somesuch. The characters do the actions, not the sunlight. Also, you didn't edit your work or read out loud, or you would have caught the typo in the penultimate line. :)

You have a really good handle on Tegan's and Nyssa's style of speaking. Tegan isn't quite as acerbic as she can be in the show, but you write her rough and ready, which is just fine, and Nyssa is sedate and proper as usual. You do a really good job with them, and they would be recognizable without dialogue tags. Good job!