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Challenge #196
Apr. 5th, 2023 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shivverToday's an exercise in "show, don't tell". We're going to look for instances of telling and turning it into showing.
Take one or two paragraphs (no more) of something you've already written. Or, take a character and have them react to something - write only their reaction to it, not what the something is. Read through it and look for words that are entirely invisible to an observer, such as emotions and internal actions like thinking, and circle them. For example, you can't see that a person is happy - you can only see that they're smiling and you are inferring from that that they're happy.
Now, rewrite those phrases and sentences that you've circled by describing what the observer actually sees, hears, etc. that character do. Examples:
Old: "That's just what I wanted!" she cried excitedly.
New: "That's just what I wanted!" she cried. She leapt from the chair and snatched it from his hands, hugging it to her chest.
Old: He paused for a moment, thinking.
New: He paused for a moment, a hand clasped to his mouth as he gazed off into space.
Take one or two paragraphs (no more) of something you've already written. Or, take a character and have them react to something - write only their reaction to it, not what the something is. Read through it and look for words that are entirely invisible to an observer, such as emotions and internal actions like thinking, and circle them. For example, you can't see that a person is happy - you can only see that they're smiling and you are inferring from that that they're happy.
Now, rewrite those phrases and sentences that you've circled by describing what the observer actually sees, hears, etc. that character do. Examples:
Old: "That's just what I wanted!" she cried excitedly.
New: "That's just what I wanted!" she cried. She leapt from the chair and snatched it from his hands, hugging it to her chest.
Old: He paused for a moment, thinking.
New: He paused for a moment, a hand clasped to his mouth as he gazed off into space.