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Fill- Challenge 196 (DW)
Apr. 7th, 2023 06:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
romanajo123 So I reread a little of this----https://tenminutesaday.dreamwidth.org/
And reading it over I thought about that if I do polish/ post this, I kind of want it to be Shaun's POV. Or just neutral
And here's a couple parts (at least what I noticed that could be fixed)
Old: " Oh, hi" Donna answers, momentarily distracted. "
New: At the kiss, Donna turns away from the window just for a second.. "Oh , hi" she answers. "No, Well, didn't want to wake you"
Old: At the mention of a doctor, her expression changes to one of ... teasing. "Doctor who?" she asks, smiling for a quick second.
New: At the mention of a doctor, for a split second , what looked like the small semblance of a smile broke out on Donna's face. "Doctor who?" she asks, as if waiting for the end of a joke.
And reading it over I thought about that if I do polish/ post this, I kind of want it to be Shaun's POV. Or just neutral
And here's a couple parts (at least what I noticed that could be fixed)
Old: " Oh, hi" Donna answers, momentarily distracted. "
New: At the kiss, Donna turns away from the window just for a second.. "Oh , hi" she answers. "No, Well, didn't want to wake you"
Old: At the mention of a doctor, her expression changes to one of ... teasing. "Doctor who?" she asks, smiling for a quick second.
New: At the mention of a doctor, for a split second , what looked like the small semblance of a smile broke out on Donna's face. "Doctor who?" she asks, as if waiting for the end of a joke.
