Fill-Challenge 14 (kinda)
Feb. 9th, 2022 06:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
romanajo123 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tenminutesaday )TotD regeneration part- I tired to do what I had to do for class once and switch the POV. You're right, this is hard ! :))
"I will always remember when the Doctor was me."
It's starting. I can feel it. And there's...someone in here.
Amy! She touches my cheek, I do the same.
"Raggedy man, good night" she says softly.
I hear Clara crying, and telling me not to change. Oh, it's coming! The first in a new cycle. I can feel the energy until...it's over. Older now, but something isn't right. Ah! Maybe the brunette can help me. It's my..
"Kidneys! I've got new kidneys. I don't like the color."
The brunette looks confused. "Of your kidneys? What's happening?"
The whole place...the ship. It's off-uh!
"We're probably crashing."
"Into what?" asks Brunette.
"Stay calm. Just one question-do you happen to know how to fly this thing?"
"I will always remember when the Doctor was me."
It's starting. I can feel it. And there's...someone in here.
Amy! She touches my cheek, I do the same.
"Raggedy man, good night" she says softly.
I hear Clara crying, and telling me not to change. Oh, it's coming! The first in a new cycle. I can feel the energy until...it's over. Older now, but something isn't right. Ah! Maybe the brunette can help me. It's my..
"Kidneys! I've got new kidneys. I don't like the color."
The brunette looks confused. "Of your kidneys? What's happening?"
The whole place...the ship. It's off-uh!
"We're probably crashing."
"Into what?" asks Brunette.
"Stay calm. Just one question-do you happen to know how to fly this thing?"
no subject
Date: 2022-02-10 12:22 am (UTC)I think the only critique I have of this is "The brunette looks confused." It's really hard to not slip back into a third-person POV when trying to write first-person, and this one bit feels third-person, because you're not likely to think that to yourself. The rest is fine, just that one read strangely.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-10 04:28 pm (UTC)I think Betawhofic and...someone on Teaspoon whose username I can't recall honestly did a better job when it comes to remaking/POV-swapping scenes like this. :o But this scene was in my head so I looked it up on YouTube.
)Bu the way, if you want another resource for transcripts, I recommend Forever dreaming. https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewforum.php?f=53 They do a little better with description/stage directions)