Rain Check (DW)

[romanajo123]

 Sorry for the rain check but saw the February fic thing (thanks BMG ) today and this kind of..wouldn't leave my brain. :o

For Prompt 25 "Allergies" februaryficletchallenge.tumblr.com/post/677145365087158272/ffc-2022-prompt-25

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"I still don't understand why we had to come to this...establishment" said Nyssa. "Isn't there tea in the TARDIS?" 

" It's a tearoom, Nyssa" the Time Lord explained, picking up a scone, "And if memory serves, they do a marvelous cream tea." The Doctor sipped his steaming cup. "I cam here once with Liz Shaw and-" 

The Doctor suddenly began to cough, his face becoming pale.

Nyssa put down the spoon of cream she'd been applying to her scones. "Doctor," she began worriedly "Are you all right?"

"Salicylic acid!" he exclaimed in between coughs. 

"In the tea?"

More coughing before the Doctor managed to answer. "In mine, at least. It's lethal to a Time Lord. Someone is trying to-"

He collapsed. 

"Doctor?" asked Nyssa.  His pulse was growing weaker. The important thing now was keeping him alive.

---

It took help, but Nyssa got the unconscious Time Lord back to the TARDIS. 
Around an hour later, the Time Lord slowly opened his eyes to see the Trakenite bringing him a tray.

"Nyssa," he said, still groggy. "Where am I?"

"You're in the TARDIS medical bay" she answered before setting down the tray "I've been doing some research. And this choc-olate might help. And" she gestured to a cup of orange liquid "this can provide nutritional stimulants. The food machine called it Tang."

"Ah yes," the Doctor noted, eating a bit of the chocolate. "I was there when the astronauts took some to space. Oh, Nyssa, before you go.."

"Yes Doctor?"

"Thank you for... well, saving my life." 

Comments

[shivver]

Very nice! You've set up the scene really well, and your ending is perfect. Now, I'm going to encourage you to turn this scene into a story. Considering the five-act structure, everything before the --- is exposition and rising action, and everything afterwards is denouement. If you can fill in with more rising actions and a climax, you have a story.

I'd recommend stabilizing the Doctor, then get him to the TARDIS with help. Or change the ending and have him wake up while still in the restaurant. The stabilization can be the climax - maybe have Nyssa panic for a bit, asking people to help him (the people in the restaurant will react when he falls over). Then as they ask her questions about what's actually wrong, she realizes that they can't help because he's not human, and she starts thinking for herself. You can have her realize that she's already familiar with something in the restaurant and that it would at least alleviate the symptoms long enough for him to wake up and get to the TARDIS. Maybe she sees a blueberry cake and knows the blueberries contain something that helps. (Whatever it is doesn't need to make sense - remember that scene in Christmas Invasion where Ten says, "Free radicals and tannins - just the thing for healing the synapses"? That was total bunk. Tea does have tannins (you can google for a substance to use) but they're not useful and free radicals are actively harmful.)

Mostly, you really want Nyssa to solve the problem (that's the climax), but throw a couple of obstacles in her way first (those are the rising actions).